Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
