I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
