She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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