he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
