Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
