My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
