I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
