PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Panties = found
Randomize
