I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
