she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
