At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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