tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
