Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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