I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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