Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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