sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
