he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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