Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
