If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
