so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
