ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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