I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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