There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
