There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
