So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
