but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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