I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
