note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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