I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
