I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
