Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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