it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
