What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
