I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
