The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need to align my fucking chakras
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
