Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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