I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
