why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
