jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
