If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
