nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
