so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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