Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
