If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
