the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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