Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
