Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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