Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
