im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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