I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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