what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
